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Joke of the Day

"I went to a charity event for women who lost their legs, when someone stole all of their wheelchairs. After that, the place was crawling with pussy"

"Science joke: What do you study to learn about acid? A pHD"

"""I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-"" Job interviewer: Three references is fine."

"So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood."

"What was Thriller really about? A negromancer."

"HITMAN: Who's the target? ME: [slides photo across table] HITMAN: You..want me to kill Shrek? ME: Not Shrek [taps photo] his talkative horse"

"This isn't rain, it's God slaughtering a giant cloud."

"There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris."

"Congratulations Amy Winehouse On three years of sobriety!"

"Statistics say that there's at least one gay guy in a group of friends, I hope it's Tim ... He's really cute."