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Joke of the Day

"So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood."

"LINCOLN: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. TWITTER: No."

"Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City"

"What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day? He always came on time."

"""The house always wins,"" muttered Dorothy as she stared at the witch's crushed body."

"What does a cannibalistic homosexual sailor eat? Semen."

"What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis"

"Super soakers are like training wheels for black kids in the hood."

"How do you cook toilet paper? You brown it on one side"

"oneconfess At a job interview director told me that he cannot give me a job because I do not have enough points, but he can give me a son. #oneconfess"