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Joke of the Day

"None for me. I'll eat when I'm dead ""You don't understand how that saying works, do you?"" I'll understand how the saying works when I'm dead"

"Which band does feminists hate the most? Cis-tem of a Down"

"It really bothers me when the free Internet that I'm leeching off from the cafe across the street is kind of slow."

"I don't like adulting... ...just kidding."

"What do you call a person who kills babies and gets paid for it? An abortion doctor."

"A nurse takes a rectal thermometer from her jacket pocket ""Great. Some arsehole's got my pen"""

"Bald people struggle with improv, They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head."

"The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA."

"Dear Johnson & Johnson: Ejacu-lotion Please DM me for my address to send royalties checks."

"A guy asked my girlfriend ""Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?"" ... so I punched him in the head."