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Joke of the Day

"I gave up viagra It was hard at first..."

"It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, ""I still love Vista, baby""."

"Me: I think the coolest sport is horse golf Guy: do you mean polo? Me: [realizing he isn't classy enough to know about horse golf] yes"

"The wife of my friend is not a woman to me. But if she's pretty he's not my friend."

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"

"Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips."

"Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say."

"[first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan"

"What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!"