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Joke of the Day

"Kate Middleton's gynacologist is getting a Knighthood The amount of Royal cunts he's put up with he probably deserves it."

"Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put ""delicious"" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize."

"Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound? If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump?"

"Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead."

"What did the helicopter... What did the helicopter dick spinner say to initiate gyration? GO GO GADGET!!"

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Listening to music can be dangerous... Some of the notes are sharp."

"Wife at dinner party: ""my husband is always calling me Sarah Palin"" Guests: ""that's funny, why does he call you Sarah Palin?"" Wife: ""because he hates Sarah Palin."""

"Everyone at this party is talking like a pilot.. ...they all keep saying they have to take off in the morning."

"How do animals in children's books always have nicer houses than mine when they don't have jobs & all they do all day is learn life lessons?"