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Joke of the Day

"Everyone at this party is talking like a pilot.. ...they all keep saying they have to take off in the morning."

"Want to know a 100% effective form of birth control? Abortion 0_o"

"Why did the painting go to jail? It was framed."

"I tried to tell the doctor I was constipated... She said I was full of shit"

"Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn't the crust that was the pie plate."

"What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose."

"Where is the best place to hide a hippie's weed? Under the soap."

"Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's."

"What do you call a prostitute with cum on her face? A Taxi, Her jobs done."

"My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want"