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Joke of the Day

"My daughter got her dress caught in the escalator and I had to walk away fast so people wouldn't think she was with me."

"Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not"

"The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing"

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis"

"I like my jokes like I like my women fucked up"

"Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time."

"I do it doggy style... as in I spin around three times before I sit on the toilet."

"Everyone thought the swordsmith was very persuasive He made a good point"

"I masturbate about myself masturbating about myself masturbating... Inceptcestuous."

"Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Never mind, I forgot."