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Joke of the Day

"There was a prison break at Guantanomo Bay Authorities warned of ""free radicals"" in area."

"How do you know if someone has run a marathon? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"Dave drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted. (Gary Delaney)"

"100$ Bill 1st: Why are you late? 2nd: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. 1st: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? 2nd: No, I was standing on it."

"Waiter, waiter, what's wrong with this fish? Waiter: Long time, no sea Sir."

"People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it"

"*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad"

"I like my coffee like I like my women..... ....ground up and in the freezer."

"I put the ""fun"" in dysfunctional. "

"You said imagine my life without you... So I closed my eyes & am on a beach with a man who knows how to change a toilet paper roll."