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Joke of the Day

"Dave drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted. (Gary Delaney)"

"Call me old-fashioned, but marriage should be about a man aligning forces with a trusted ally to consolidate power & destroy common enemies"

"Shia Labeouf always looks like he's trying to teach math after someone just waved smelling salts under his nose."

"The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms and the 8th amendment gives us the right to horse legs"

"There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know."

"What is a terrorist favorite Pokemon move? Self-Destruct"

"Hollywood should remake ""Freaky Friday"" between a priest and a scientist. The Title should be ""Converting the Masses"""

"What's the best thing about a poet in a prison? Oh you know, it has its prose and cons. Badum Tish. Be gentle, first time here."

"Baby seal walks into a club..."

"And the lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But john came fifth, and only won a toaster!"