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Joke of the Day

"Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face."

"*Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?"

"customer: *looking at menu* what's good? me: not much what's good with you? him: ... him: ... me: chicken salad. the chicken salad is good."

"Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'? It's too complex"

"Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English."

"Mirror mirror on the wall, what is the fairest element of them all? Iron"

"Bad news, I won the McArthur idiot grant, now I owe them a millions dollars"

"Some acids walked into the enemy base... Threat Neutralized."

"Lisa Sparx What a Record!!! World gangbang record with 919 men in a day."

"I'm all wet! ""Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."