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Joke of the Day

"""OOOOOH an email!"" - me, every single fucking time I email myself"

"A patient comes to a doctor and says: ""Doctor, I think I'm a moth."" ""Well, you'd better go to psychiatrist. Because I'm a dentist."" ""Yeah, but you had the light on."""

"Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a lawer? A hooker will stop screwing you after you're dead."

"What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market? HEYYY LAAADIESS"

"""...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..."" - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain"

"How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero? 0K"

"What do you get when you mix a car and a refrigerator? A car-brrrrr-etor I'll see myself out."

"I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years."

"Got a buddy who's half Cuban and half Mexican. Came to the U.S. on a raft powered by a weed whacker."