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Joke of the Day

"Kids are like squaring numbers If they're under 12 just do them in your head."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Agnes ! Agnes who ? Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe !"

"My wife thinks I'm stupid for using Twitter so much. But I think she's stupid for marrying me, so I think we all know who won this argument."

"Why couldn't the physicist understand how boats work? He thought nothing could possibly travel faster than sea."

"What do Sea Monsters eat? Fish and Ships."

"Worst thing about having a one-syllable name: Every ""Happy Birthday"" singer stretches it out awkwardly to fit the song. ""Paaaa-aul"""

"Nobody told Ahmed about the clock change so he blew himself up in the garage."

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses"

"Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song's called ""Fur Elise"" Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U"