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Joke of the Day

"Just got an email from dominoes said ""easy and delicious"" they sure know how to talk to a single guy!"

"Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don't think adding more pricks will make a difference."

"""So did you get lucky last night?"" You better believe it! [flashback to me making all green lights omw home after girl refused to kiss me]"

"Did you hear about that mexican murdering train driver? He had locomotives."

"""Hello this is your captain speaking. I have fallen out of the plane yikes lol. Very impressed with the range on this Bluetooth headset tho"""

"What's the best part about having a blind partner? You know they won't be seeing other people."

"What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? get in the car :P"

"Did you hear about the actress who died? SO: ""Did you hear about that actress who died? Reese...Reese..? Me: ""Witherspoon?"" SO: ""No. With a knife."" Me: ""..."" Legitimate laughter ensued."

"TIL that constipation is hereditary. My dad never gave a shit."

"*lights a joint* Woah, fire! Ow! My elbow!"