204923

Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to get married because a non-existent supreme being wants you to go against your primal nature."

"If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra."

"Why do robots never cuddle after sex? Because all a robot does is nuts and bolts."

"[In Court] Does the Defense have any last words? *defense rises* DE-FENSE *Judge holds up picket fence* DE-FENSE *Jury starts The Wave*"

"What do you call a lesbian with long finger nails? *Single*."

"Before arbys gets sucked into the sun with the rest of the earth and everything you've ever known or loved, please come eat some of our crap"

"Did you hear the news? The guy who invented predicted text died. His funerals on funfair"

"I hate it when I'm trying to make money and someone greases the stripper pole."

"Actual voice mail: ""Molly, this is your mother. I just texted you but I don't know how to make the facey-things so...happy face at the end."""