204879

Joke of the Day

"I got sacked from a job for smiling too much... I said, ""If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."""

"What does the alchemist do to please his girlfriend? Elixir."

"How do you kill a vampire baby? Stake and shake"

"4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?"

"What do you call a dog that is a magician? A Labara Cadabarador"

"My girlfriend has her very own Indian name.... Running Late."

"A carny invited me back to her place for a good time last night... She wasn't kidding, there were bumper cars, a ghost train and a mechanical bull. I had a blast!"

"A tornado is about 5 minutes away and our satellite is out. I hope our house lands somewhere where the cable works!"

"perfect vision Whenever someone asks me what I plan on doing in five years I always get frustrated. Like c'mon guys I don't have 2020 vision."

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."