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Joke of the Day

"What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam."

"why don't foot fetishists ever win anything? because they like the taste of defeat. i'm not even sorry."

"I was confronted by an angry man today. I told him I come in peace Apparently that's something you shouldn't say to Peace's boyfriend"

"My friend called me a pedophile today. I corrected him, told him I'm actually a hebephile. He said, ""you're just splitting hairs"" I said, ""now you see the difference""."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Dogs don't lick jam... just kidding... they do ;)"

"What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!"

"Someone call a knight in shining armor... cuz today's a draggin."

"Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web."

"That moment you are trying to figure out if you are Joey, Ross, or Chandler and you realize you're Gunther."

"What do you call a bitchy midget who can get to places quickly? A shortcunt."