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Joke of the Day

"wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner"

"All-day Christmas music at work, day 4: Just Googled ""Candy cane prison shank"""

"The guy who developed Fractals.. The guy who developed fractals was Benoit B Mandelbrot, I heard the 'B' stood for 'Benoit B Mandelbrot'"

"What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him? ""Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"""

"Q: What do bees do if they don't want to drive? A: Wait at the buzz stop."

"I asked Yoda for a two word review of Les Miserables ""Lame is."""

"What do you call fake pasta? An impasta"

"*In the ER* ""We're losing him, anyone have any ideas?"" ""How about 50 cc's of a cool refreshing beverage?"" ""Dammit Dr. Pepper not now!"""

"Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night."

"'gamer' & 'foodie' are bullshit labels because they suggest you are something b/c you passively enjoy something everyone passively enjoys"