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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between young girls and photographs? After putting them in a dark room, you have to wait for the photograph to fully develop."

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"British woman suing McDonalds after finding a cigarette in her ONE year old's Happy Meal.As if ciggie wasn't the healthiest thing in the bag"
"The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials. On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?"
"The hardest part about coaching Little League is remembering not to say, ""MOTHERFUCKER FIRST FUCKING BASE GODDAMMIT SHIT!!!"" all the time."
"If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck... ...it'll be a vacuum!"
"What type of melon would Romeo and Juliet have been? Cantaloupe."
"I'm usually not into butt plugs... ...it's actually the other way around :)"
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather Not screaming in terror like his passengers"
"Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog. *son looks at carrot* Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them! Son: This is updoc. Mother: What's-"
"My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money."