204089

Joke of the Day

"I am not paying for a full year membership at the Y when I only need the pool long enough to hold one hamster Viking funeral."

"A guy goes to a crowded party and wants to get a drink from the hors d'oeuvres table. Surprisingly, there is no punch line."

"[praying mantis first date] Female: You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Male: Yeah well, you know, saving it for marriage."

"What do a dwarf and a midget have in common? Very little."

"I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic."

"Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned? He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway."

"CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler? WAITER: Sure spray him with a hose."

"I told my buddy that Jewish people call god by a different name He was like, ""No way!"" I was like, ""Yahweh"""

"Is it just me or does the name Elon Musk sound like a cologne brand my grandpa would wear?"

"Having kids isn't that bad, just don't have like the really young ones."