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Joke of the Day

"What face does a Syrian make when he has a bad day? Assad one. On a side note, I hope prosperity upon all the Syrians who have been displaced."

"So Helen Keller walks into a bar . . . . . . then she walks into a table, she knocks over a lamp, barks her shins on the ottoman, spills a drink . . . it's fine I'll show myself out."

"Why didn't the shepard cut off his sheep's wool? Shear laziness."

"My boss was going to fire me over breakfast this morning but the coffee shop was closed. There were no grounds for dismissal."

"Why is tomorrow like your girlfriend. It never comes."

"How did the butcher introduce his wife? MEET PATTY"

"my girlfriends dad asked me what I do but apparently your daughter wasn't the answer"

"Why did princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt."

"Just when I thought life couldn't get any harder... I accidentally take Viagra for my migraine."

"CHRISTMAS TIP: When your kid starts asking questions about whether Santa is real, just tell him to shut up."