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Joke of the Day

"Photographers are the worst! They frame you, then shoot you, then hang you on the wall."

"Why should you never take a pig out on a date? She might squeal on you."

"I don't mind if you tell me about the new diet you're on as long as you give me equal time to talk with you about my favorite doughnuts."

"What's an owl's favorite subject? Owlgebra"

"""Your resume lists the skills 'poor timing' & 'awkward'?"" Can I have a raise? ""We haven't hired you."" Oh. You're very handsome. ""I see."""

"What happens when you get too much sun exposure in Switzerland? You get a sun *Bern.*"

"I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes."

"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."

"I have diabetes.... There's no sugar coating it."

"There's a really annoying moth in my room. It's been on my Silence of the Lambs poster for ages now."