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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They both got 6 months."

"A girl called me the other day and said ""Come on over, there's nobody home!"" I went over. Nobody was home."

"What happened to the Milkman? He drank all the milk.... makes sense no? logically, yes!"

"When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, ... ...it was a classic case of publish or parish."

"I'm gonna make a porn of midgets working at a burger place I'll call it ""Quarter Pounder"""

"ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means"

"What animals were last to leave the ark ? The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !"

"Can we still see the Grand Canyon from the air or has the government put a giant tarp over it?"

"My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it."

"When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back."