203701

Joke of the Day

"""You are terrible at metaphors."" ""Wow. Jealousy is a bad moustache on you."""

"This list is unbelievable! Number 3 is just SHOCKING; Wait till you see what number 2 is and what tops this list is just amazing! Unbelievable List: 1. Amazing 2. 3. Static electricity"

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."

"Not to brag but I can produce cute children. DNA and all. Call me?"

"How do you blindfold an Asian person? You put floss over his eyes."

"What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!"

"What do you call a promise you can't keep? A campaign promise."

"Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes."

"Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick"

"A time traveller walks into a bar... http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3lsgus/and_the_bartender_says_sorry_we_dont_serve_time/"