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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman? Pls help."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of a negative 100... She's a perfect 10! But she's also imaginary."

"A vegan girl told me that, ""If you eat beef, you're basically a velociraptor."" In what world is that not totally awesome."

"Why do writers always feel cold? Because they are surrounded by drafts!"

"Apparently ""You should Google it"" isn't the best response when she asks how much do you love me? Sigh, women are so demanding.."

"I wanted to put a pizza joke here ...but it was too saucy."

"Me: You should really try this lip gloss Her: this is super glue Me: HEAR ME OUT"

"I wanna get Transitions Lens LASIK surgery, so that when I'm out in the sun my eyes go black and children will run away from me."

"A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me."

"Got a pretty bad burn on my arm. I was putting a pie in the oven & my dad came up behind me & put a cigarette out on my arm."