203397

Joke of the Day

"[driving 2 school] *looks back,sees toothbrushes in child carseats WAIT! IF YOU'RE HERE THEN... [cut to kids at home, covered in toothpaste]"

"Me to My Neighbour we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool."

"What do you call a skinny feminist... Photoshopped"

"Can someone just tell me which guy Bridget Jones ends up with? I keep killing myself before the end of the movie."

"WHAT IS SEX? HUSBAND: A minute of PLEASURE, then years of PRESSURE! WIFE: Moments of ECSTASY, followed by decades of SLAVERY! MISTRESS: Just stolen TIME, but never MINE! HOOKER: NEXT!"

"what do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A-Flat-Minor"

"If heaven is real the only question i have for god is how many times was my chinese food a cat"

"I remember last year... It's like it was yesterday."

"Tomato basil soup is a fancy way of making people drink pizza sauce."

"Two jews walk into A bar... Ahbar then gets insulted that the jews even looked at him and demands that his country declares war on Israel for these unspeakable crimes."