145085

Joke of the Day

"[Anteater eats some termites] [looks up to heaven] ""YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, GOD! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NAMED ME!"""

"Customer: Waiter I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together."

"How do you know that your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

"What does a Jewish pedophile say? Come buy some candy kids!"

"I wouldn't really mind being left to my own devices as long they were fully charged and there was WiFi."

"Twice the cold doth striketh A dog, a ski cabin, and a leather jacket walk into the electric cloud being and merge into the one true demongod."

"Why did the Scarecrow lose the debate? ""All he had was a straw-man argument."""

"What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions? Spocrates."

"Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin? Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place. I'll let myself out."

"I sold my vacuum the other day... all it was doing was collecting dust!"