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Joke of the Day

"I dented my Ford Focus and now it's blurry."

"Originally I didn't like having a beard but then it grew on me."

"What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap"

"My wife said i was being immature, so i told her to get the fuck out of my fort."

"What has two thumb drives full of porn and forgot his laptop was hooked up to the projector?"

"What do you call peanuts in space? Astronuts!"

"What do you call a 5 year old's knees? Kidneys! Ha! I'll be here all week folks."

"I can't pet a cat without plotting world domination."

"Some people probably think I tweet too much but maybe I'm required to tweet this much or else this bus will explode ever think of that"

"I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus."