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Joke of the Day

"I dented my Ford Focus and now it's blurry."

"My autocorrect changes c**ts to China. Hey don't blame me. I'm not the racist code programmer."

"Did you hear about the guy who taught a group of dung beetles to play baseball? Yup, and thats just the bug inning."

"Starbucks should have a separate line for people who don't know what they want or how the world works."

"What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops the other stops the nose."

"My dad caught me smoking his cigarettes... He beat me until I was white and gold."

"Why is milk so fast? Because it's pasteurized before you see it!"

"Why has there never been a military dictatorship in America? Because they don't have an American embassy over there."

"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."

"I yelled at my wife ""Your miniskirt is way too short!!"" ""Thats because its made for a woman"" she replied ""Now take it off & give it to me"""