203118

Joke of the Day

"Was asked to make the potato salad. I made it while sitting on the couch. Yep, made Couch Potato Salad."

"Do you know how much cocaine Charlie Sheen uses ? Enough to kill two and half a man."

"If there's Jenny and Lucy, could there be Jenni and Luci? Then wouldn't that make them Jennifer and Lucifer?"

"Learning how to say ""where the hell am I?"" in eight languages. Just in case."

"I hope this blue uniform and walkie talkie doesn't make me look fat - Insecurity guard"

"An Irishman walks into an AA meeting. Just kidding."

"My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups... That's the last time I buy A Dell."

"Learn from your mistakes. Make better & better mistakes until you're making the best mistakes possible."

"Baby metamorphosis I feel like nobody names their baby Craig. One day, around age 35, the baby just becomes Craig. that is all"

"I renew my ages-old wish that there was a CD of nothing but SNL closing-credits music that you could play to get people to leave your house."