203018

Joke of the Day

"Old one but still funny: Two Muffins are sitting in an oven... ... one muffin says to the other ""Damn its starting to get really hot in here."" The other one says, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"""

"I had to break it off with my girlfriend. She wouldn't fake orgasms. I can't be with someone who doesn't care about my needs."

"So i went to my first fight club gathering I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody."

"The Holocaust."

"Just thought of way to discourage teenage smoking. Instead of saying ""Cancer"" on boxes replace it with the word ""Acne""."

"what do you call a fake noodle an impasta"

"I think the problem is that I'm 20% stud and 80% muffin."

"guy: my dog just died girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog"

"By fluke, I just learned I could pop the head off a Dora Explorer doll, drill a hole in her leg, fill her with water, and use her as a bong."

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"