202904

Joke of the Day

"What does a bully say to someone with severe depression? Stop hating yourself, stop hating yourself!"

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"Doctor Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!"
"Guys GUYS wait! Stay awake, for God's sake stay awake because I just found out if you die on Twitter YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE!"
"[at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building"
"What if the aliens were from Uranus.."
"If they made a movie of my life it would be a lot of me looking for something to wipe my hands on."
"co-pilot: ""ask in a way that won't panic everyone"" pilot: ""ok"" [via intercom] ""is there a fireman on the plane?"""
"I'm writing a book about common Mexican names... I'm gonna call it ""50 Shades of Jose"""
"When I drink alcohol, everyone says I'm an alcoholic. But when I drink Fanta, no one says I'm fantastic."
"I dated a girl with a parrot once. Hideous thing that would not shut up. The parrot was cool though."
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