202790

Joke of the Day

"[1st date] ""My birthday is on April 20th, so 4/20. Isn't that cool? When's yours?"" Oh, umm *sweating* Sextember 69th"

"What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile? Just trying to fit in, really."

"(NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes"

"To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave."

"Saw a homeless guy at McDonald's begging for money, told him I'd buy him something to eat. He said no thanks, getting money for Taco Bell."

"Prior to officially becoming a part of the United States, what was Oregon like? It was very unOregonized."

"""YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?"" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash."

"What kind of tree barks? A dogwood!!"

"Mike Pence said that his Vice Presidential role model is Vice President Cheney. Huh. Who would've thought that after making so much LGBT discriminatory legislation that Pence loved Dick?"

"Tell her you already got her gift, & ask her to try & guess. Then go buy something she guessed. Shopping made easy."