27666

Joke of the Day

"I'm so old I remember when teens getting pregnant meant ""PANIC!"" not ""Congratulations, you get your own MTV show!"""

"Boss: You're fired Me: No YOU'RE fired Boss: No Me: Yeah Boss: *starts sweating*"

"The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss"

"Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you."

"""I really wish you'd post more 4sq checkins & tumblr links"" -no one on Twitter ever"

"Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven't bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He knew he'd be remembered for it."

"I'm working on a book for dyslexics right now. It's incredibly difficult, cause I'm doing it all in palindromes."

"Two deer walk into a bar... The first deer says, ""Hey, wanna go to a party?"" The second one says, ""I'm game!"""

"All is fair in drunk and war."