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Joke of the Day

"What kind of bee makes milk? A boobie."

"I was in a band that played nothing but pirate shanty covers of Sex Pistols songs... We call ourselves ""The Fuck Muskets"""

"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"

"Jesus, his disciples, Adolf Hitler and a group of Schutzstaffel walk into an empty bar... The bartender says, ""Man, this is great for business!"""

"10 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date,. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game."

"We're probably accidentally giving ghosts handjobs all the time."

"Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing."

"Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East? They don't want to wear out the camel."