144504

Joke of the Day

"I was in a band that played nothing but pirate shanty covers of Sex Pistols songs... We call ourselves ""The Fuck Muskets"""

"Alway be nice to anyone that has full unhindered access to your toothbrush."

"I went to www.match.com Better luck on www.ancestry.com"

"I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street."

"Why was Jared Fogle upset? Because he was sentenced to over 15 years in prison."

"I've got the eye of the tiger, heart of a lion, and... a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what"

"What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with? ""None of your beeswax!"""

"An overweight woman decided to start walking her dog to get exercise... She stopped after realizing the effort it took to steer her scooter."

"""Is it in yet???"" -My ATM, mocking me."