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Joke of the Day

"I had such a great masturbation session last night... that when I woke up in the morning my dick was in the kitchen cooking breakfast."

"On a scale of one to ten, guess how much I like golfing. Fore!"

"LPT: If you're not planning to do anything the entire day, Masturbate. Then you won't want to walk or shower and you can waste your day as originally intended."

"Dirty Dancing is my favorite movie about a girl who cannot dance at all, but wins a dance competition because her partner has a great mullet"

"What do poor people have, rich people want? And if you eat it you die. It's nothing"

"My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot recently Last night she threw a lettuce at me. That's just the tip of the iceberg."

"Q: Why did the bear run around his bed? A: He wanted to catch up on his sleep."

"Sexual Innuendo is really funny until you shove it down someones throat."

"What's six foot three, black, and won an Independent Spirit Award for Best Male Lead in To Sleep with Anger Danny Glover."

"I heard they're installing over 15,000 CCTV cameras in New Delhi for Obama's visit. That's ridiculous, it's not like he's going to steal anything."