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Joke of the Day

"LPT: If you're not planning to do anything the entire day, Masturbate. Then you won't want to walk or shower and you can waste your day as originally intended."

Next Joke
 
"My girlfriend wouldn't let me play orchestral music during sex... We eventually came to an arrangement."
"what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce? one guacamole"
"What do you call it when a Jamaican kid's getting roasted Bwoi-opsy"
"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"
"How about how some people are SO gothed out but still drive a Ford Focus and shit?! Make your vehicle goth or you ain't shit."
"You'd be surprised at all the discounts you get when you come in swinging a sword!"
"'What I'm about to say is extremely important!!' -Drunk people"
"How did Paul, the octopus, originally die? Torres went and asked Paul proudly, ""How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup?"" Paul died laughing."
"What does an egg say when it gets punched in the stomach? Oeuf!"