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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? There's no rest for the wicked."

"[Me]: What's a snowman's favorite drink? [Bartender]: idk [Me]: Brrrr-bon lol [Bartender]: ... [Me]: jk snowmen don't drink they aren't real"

"Research shows that the number one cause of divorce in America is Marriage"

"why was the chicken population so large? because it grew **eggs**ponentially"

"A friend is like a condom. They'll stick close to you and protect you as best they can but once you fill them with semen you need a new one."

"More valuable than Superman The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman."

"I was in my coworkers office, and he said ""Hey buddy... (VERSION 3.0) FUCK YOU LOL MADE U LOOK DUMBASS."

"[wakes up & turns to wife] ""I had a nightmare. You died."" ""Aw. It was just a-"" ""Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."""

"I had the biggest dick in 3rd grade which was pretty impressive Also probably the reason I got fired"

"I decided to jerk off right in front of my blind girlfriend last night She didn't see it coming."