202574

Joke of the Day

"Uncle Sophia wants to remind you that cooking spray does *not* double as lube in a pinch."

"What would Dorothy have said if she practiced Yoga instead of new age magical thinking? There's no place like OM."

"Oh, so you wanna argue? BRING IT, I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON !"

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."

"""Your honor-"" No objections. how do you plead to cheating at heads up seven up? ""guilty"" no juice boxes for a week..piece of shit *mom sobs*"

"Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I'm even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately."

"What's the advantage to fingering a gypsy on her period? You get your palm red for free"

"What are three signs old age? 1. Becoming forgetful"

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess' on it ... So I said, ""implants?"""

"If you fail to take over a government... You've really screwed the [putsch.](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/putsch?s=ts)"