202573

Joke of the Day

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."

"Choose a major you love and you won't have to work for a day in your life Because that major probably has no jobs (not an original)"

"You can run but you can't hide Is a funny thing to say to children with asthma"

"Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible."

"Rum: ""Drink me."" Me: ""No, I'll get a hangover."" Rum: ""Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!"" Me: ""Really?"" *drinks* Rum: ""Sucker."""

"And the cat's in the cradle so the baby must be at the pet groomer's, this is a terrible mix-up."

"I mainly want to lose weight to get into my own pants But also to get into someone elses"

"Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God"

"What do you call a good looking canyon? Gorge-ous"

"Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout ""Everybody be cool!"" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets."