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Joke of the Day

"Joe: Hey Barack, why does Trump wanna ban preshredded cheese Barack: Joe please Joe: TO MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN Barack: I swear to God"

"Toilets that automatically flush before I'm done make me feel like every relationship I've ever been in."

"I got a text from an unknown number that said ""Game on."" It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit."

"What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters? This is non-cents!"

"Did you hear about the eagle who could catch a squirrel with only one claw? He was very *talon*ted"

"Will glass coffins be popular in future? Remains to be seen."

"What do you call a seafood-eating California motorcycle cop who only pulls over nuclear reactions or a radioactive decay? Fission Chips."

"""Baby, I'm in the bedroom waiting for you"" Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed."

"99 problems and pizza solves every single 1"

"My grandfather always said, ""Don't watch your money, watch your health."" So one day while I was watching my health, my grandfather stole my money."