93496

Joke of the Day

"I'm home alone eating donuts and listening to Journey. I think I can stop believin' now."

"Now I find out my ground hands are actually called feet wtf is going on today"

"My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered..."

"[God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine"

"I'm a party animal... because when I go to parties I end up pissing on the floor"

"Why are trumpets more expensive than clarinets? Brass tax"

"What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus"

"What's the difference between a burlap sack and my nutsack? The babies in my nutsack are still living."

"What's the best kind of cream... ...to get rid of spots and bug bites? Creamation."

"Have you heard about the new corduroy pillowcases? They're really making headlines."