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Joke of the Day

"*takes construction hat to vet* Please help. My turtle hasn't moved in 8 years."

"Two aerials meet on a roof fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant."

"My friend got caught having a wank in the showers on a school trip It completely ruined our visit to Auschwitz"

"Decided to sell my vacuum today well, it was just collecting dust. /thank you Tim Vine"

"My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper."

"Good cop: frisks you Bad cop: takes his time"

"Why did the dad make the joke? For the pun of it."

"Me: OMG, Bill and Cindy got divorced!!! Hub: I know! He's got a fresh slate. That guys livin the dream! Me:... Hub:...his dream, not mine"

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control I thought to myself ""this changes everything"""

"A black man, a white guy, a muslim and a communist walk into a bar..... Bartender says ""what can i get you mr. president?"""