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Joke of the Day

"So my girlfriend throws up in the morning also her stomach is getting bigger. It's time I get it through my head.....She drinks to much.."

"Oscar Pistorius is soon getting out of jail. 10 months without sex, you should hide, ladies. But for the love of God, not in the bathroom."

"Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week what have you got to say about that? Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !"

"Why did hipster burn himself? He drank the Coffee before it was cool"

"[Starbucks] What can I get you? I'll have a large coffee, black ""You don't have to say black"" I'll have a large coffee, African American"

"Why did little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Obviously not Sally"

"I'll have a club sandwich on rye. Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion"

"Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that ""Scheherezade"" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? A: ""Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?"""

"What's Irish and stays out all night? Patio Furniture"

"Two Thai girls offered me a threesome. It was like winning the lottery. When we stripped off we had six matching balls."