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Joke of the Day

"I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media"

"I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch."

"What's different between Asians and Caucasians? We're opposites in terms of erections and math class - one's hard for each of us, while the other isn't."

"What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? Both can smell it but can't eat it."

"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar"

"If I had a dime for every nickel I had I would have three cents"

"(30 year old white guy voice) what we need is change in the political system which is why im voting for my neighbors dog that bites children"

"What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano? He said ""Darling you've got lovely teeth."""

"Patron: Hey there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?"

"What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common? They both thought ""my Mom's gonna kill me."""