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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dime for every nickel I had I would have three cents"

"As an ornothologist and a pimp I structure payment based on the old saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."

"My boss told me that I have to stop masturbating at work. I didn't think my patients minded."

"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?"

"My best friend kept bragging about his expensive yacht Had to tell him to stop showboating."

"My mum asked me if I had taken my lizard for a walk... ... I told her I was goanna do it later."

"Hair so long she accidentally flushed herself down the toilet"

"the best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of YOUR OWN sentence. that way, they never suspect you hung up on them."

"Not knowing that it's called ""baby corn"" isn't a big deal... ...but everyone looked at me REALLY weird when I said ""oooh, I LOVE child corn"" in a crowded restaurant."