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Joke of the Day

"What does a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common? They both thought ""my Mom's gonna kill me."""

"People are so wary of technology still. I grew up living directly under high power lines & only have 1 sentient mole that orders me to kill."

"I blame my parents subscription to National Geographic when I was a kid for my preference for black women."

"Why was Darth Vader so ugly? Because he had sithilis."

"My wife was on eBay this afternoon... No bids yet"

"HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary."

"Today I found out how electricity was measured... I was like watt???"

"life is just a series of people giving up on you til your body gives up too but yeah sure, I'll bring my famous guacamole to the baby shower"

"the worst part of senior prom was definitely dropping my date and my grandfather's ashes going EVERYWHERE"

"Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today."