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Joke of the Day

"My doctor prescribed me viagra and ex-lax today. Now I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"Its so busy at work... I feel like a priest and all my tickets are altar boys, I need to touch them all."

"What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg..."

"Man, my car is so fast, it could outrun a man combined with a horse ""You mean Centaur, right?"" Ohhh somebody went to college ooohh"

"Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am independent"

"Women have a higher risk of getting pregnant than guys."

"An alpaca made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I guess it was an Alpac'ino."

"What does a fat person, a match, and a phone have in common? Cellulite."

"They're calling the Patriot thing ""Deflategate?"" I was hoping they'd go with ""Ball-o-caust."""

"How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light-bulb? As many as will fit."