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Joke of the Day

"Last week I chopped my neighbour's tree and now it's growing back because his-tree repeats itself..."

"Me: Do you love me? 13: Silence Husband: if you don't tell your mother you love her we are going to make out at your next soccer game."

"My birthday is coming up and I'm mostly just anxious about all the people on Facebook who are about to pretend to like me."

"If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone."

"What's the difference between regular sex and anal sex? One makes your day and one makes your hole weak."

"Why can't you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!"

"What's the difference between your mom and a rooster? A rooster says ""Cock-a-doddle-doo"", and your mom says ""Any-cock-will-do!"""

"What's a neckbeard's favorite color? M'genta"

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high... ...she seemed surprised."

"Breaking up on Twitter: It's not @you it's @me."