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Joke of the Day
"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high... ...she seemed surprised."
Next Joke
"What do doors and hookers have in common? You enter, come, and go. EDIT: changed punchline"
"A three legged puppy walks into a bar The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."
"Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always ""KILL"" or ""MURDER"" or ""YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"""
"I give it two months before Trump tries putting his face on our money."
"Are you ready, kids?! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN THE CHAMPION JOHN CENA DEFENDS HIS TITLE IN THE SUPER SLAMMMMMMMMMM? DUBYA DUBYA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"[makes a voodoo doll of himself] [gives it a little back rub]"
"What do you call an agreement between forests? A treety"
"Dear time, more weekend please."
"Why did Lt. Lenk and Sgt. Colborn cross the road? To put the bones on the other side."