202090

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the joke about Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth? I guess I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."

"How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb? None if nobody's looking."

"Twitter: Tell me I'm funny! Instagram: Tell me I'm pretty! Facebook: Tell me I have real friends! Pinterest: Tell me how to knit a condom!"

"If a tiger goes to bite you, confuse him by french kissing him. You'll probably still die, but at least you got to make out w/ a tiger."

"If you walk around in knight's armor long enough, people will just get used to it."

"Why did Churchill always beat Hitler with scissors in rock, paper, scissors? Because he knew Hitler always threw paper."

"What's the difference between this post and a fire truck? A fire truck is red and has four wheels while this post is a complete fucking waste of your time."

"*looks through telescope* *telescope thinks you're looking at him and waves* *you wave at Jupiter behind* *telescope awkwardly lowers hand*"

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay...."

"My favorite exercise at the gym is lateral neck turns, which is where I walk in, shake my head ""no,"" and leave immediately."